basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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