then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
