You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
