Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
