i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
