is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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