There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
