Im at strip club and am horny
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
