what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
