Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
