What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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