He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The Olympian is in my bed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
