At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
