Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
