maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
