i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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