It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
