I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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