We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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