oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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