U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
