haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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