i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
two words: eviction party
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
