I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
