I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
