If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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