Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
