It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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