He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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