Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Send help, water and tortillas.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
