She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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