Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
