Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
