i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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