I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
