PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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