I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
