They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
