I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
