can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
