Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
