Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I supernannyed him into submission
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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