He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
