it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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