i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
