You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
