Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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