I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
