his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
