Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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