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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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